Have you ever been in that place as a writer/thinker that you have so much to say that you don't know what to say? That's where I am right now. I'm awake in the middle of the night, as ususal, and I have so much on my mind. I love this quiet space in the dark - just me and the cats and my glass of wine and my head. I've been waiting for the ghost of my grandmother to show up and give me some encouragement with regard to my life, and this darn cold house...but she hasn't showed up yet either. Perhaps I should turn out the lights more?
Today is the 2 year anniversary of my employment in the Emergency Room. I have to say that even though other aspects of my life suck at the moment, my job does not. I love it there - I'm sure I've said this before. I recently read a book about how just ONE person can make a big difference in the world if she takes a moment to look around and care. That's what I am trying to do. But at the same time I have issues pressing on me, like how to pay the bills with a husband who's usually unemployed. Or how to survive these next few months living in a place that is full of odd feelings and cold drafts. Or how to balance being a mother who works at night with all the things my daughter wants to do in the daytime! And then there is the new interest my own mother is showing in my life - I'm lost on how to suddenly have a mother after 35 years of not having one. My head is a jumbled mess right now and I'm trying to sort it all out. Hopefully I can make sense of it sometime soon. I'll let you know.