It's not about Puppies anymore.

When I was 14 or 15 or maybe both, I made a resolution for the New Year to write in a journal every single day. Midnight was my deadline. I once wrote on the back of a discarded envelope in the dark while riding in the back seat of a car, and finished just before midnight - that's how committed I was. Then, it wasn't about learning the process of how to write, or whether I was expressing myself accurately and eloquently enough. It was just about a moderately troubled and mostly lonely teenager with a fair amount of angst, channelling all those emotions into a healthy place. I never worried about anyone reading what I'd written, and occasionally I'd even carefully share a page or two with my cousins. For me, without a mother around to lament all my troubles to on a daily basis, I had my journal, which I lovingly named Knox. Now that I have a 14 year old daughter in my home, I see why she feels no need to journal (but very much enjoys writing). She has me to actively listen to her every thought, insecurity, or experience. We talk about all of it, and she only holds back when she doesn't want to admit that she ate too much sugar or still hasn't started a school project whose deadline is rapidly approaching.

No, the process of writing so long ago wasn't about sentence structure or whether or not anyone might ever wish to read any of it. Writing, for me back then, was about staying sane, examining my own coming-of-age feelings, and keeping a promise I'd made to myself to write each and every day.

So, when do we stop making and keeping promises to ourselves? Is it when life gives us lemons? Is it when we get too busy? Is it when we are happy and focus on a goal seems so far-fetched and perhaps silly? Is it when we attempt a goal and don't reach the mark we'd imagined, so we deem ourselves a failure and just call it quits? Or, is it when we feel like we are so confused in life that we can't even decide on what the goal should be?

Listen up. No one is perfect. Stop believing in the Facebook fantasy life of all your "friends." Trust me, they screw stuff up too, every day, and unless they're the woe-is-me-about-everything type, they don't put those mistakes out there. No, I didn't post that time I stupidly washed and dried a brand new hundred dollar Patagonia wool sweater,  and like the Grinchy color green that it was, shrank it three sizes too small. I didn't post the day I felt I needed to quit a job. And that time I lost my shit and yelled at everyone in the house and spanked the cat...no I didn't post that either. Stop assuming you're the only one with a slightly off-track life, or a messy house, or a kid who won't eat their vegetables, no matter how hard you try to convince them they'll die if they don't.

Just stop it.

Why is having a goal important? Because Silly Pants, it's something that's all yours. You get to decide what it is, what it looks like, how it fits into your daily schedule, and whether or not you even share it with anyone else, especially those perfect Facebookers. It can be your little secret; in fact, I think it should be. People want to decide their New Year's resolution and post that shit everywhere, like it's a new car or something. Um, nope. I tried that and it didn't work out. As soon as reality set in (or February as I like to call it), I realized just how difficult it was to not use plastic silverware for a whole entire year (especially since I eat out so much - Heather Homemaker I am not), and I felt a lot of shame for having failed. Then, I abandoned the goal altogether, which I wish I hadn't done. I created this whole mess of feelings even though I had perfectly good intentions when I started. (Save the Earth!)

And yet, I still believe in goals. When I was 13, and learning how to write a story in 6th grade English class, I wrote about the litter of puppies our rat terrier Jill had given birth to. I imagined what they might be when they grew up. The absolute delight I felt when my teacher's eyes grew big at my inventive little story made me commit right then.

I would write a book before my life was through.

And even though I just told you to keep your goal a secret, I shared one of mine with you. Stay with me, I have a point.

Because I had this goal, I kept writing. Even when I felt like I had nothing of real consequence to say. I didn't major in Journalism in college like I'd wanted to, so I dug my heels in a little deeper. I kept journaling, and though there was no audience to applaud or be proud of me, it still made me feel better. Even when my sentences were off, and even if my hands cramped up with pain for thoughts that couldn't stop streaming out of my head, I kept at it. When I was a poor student, my writing gave me a place to go, and when I thought there wasn't a sane thought in my head, those blank pages that awaited me became my friends.

Writing has always been for me. If you benefit from it, then awesome! I'm happy if it helps you too.

First, set your goal. Hopefully it won't be about weight loss or house cleaning - unless those are true serious problems in your life. (As I write, my room is most definitely a mess - and believe me, my standards are low. And yet here I sit cross-legged in my bed writing. What began as a journal entry for me turned into a surprise for you.)

Then, have compassion for yourself as you work on your goal. Cut it into bite-sized pieces that you can do one by one. Do not overwhelm yourself with so many goals that you cannot juggle them all so the balls get dropped - right onto your self-esteem.

Thirty one years after I set my first goal ever, I'm still working on it. I met a whole bunch of other goals along the way, but this original one, I hold close to my heart. I have grown so comfortable with it now, I hold it as tightly as a prized possession. I consider it a valuable gift I gave myself long ago, and it keeps on giving back to me, so much so that if I ever do publish a book, I'll have to do another one to fill the empty space in my head -- to give my thoughts someplace else to go. Not accomplishing this goal thus far doesn't make me a failure at all, it simply makes me more driven to focus and write first for me, then for you.

Do it. You have a couple of weeks left to decide what your New Year's resolution will be. Resolve to set a life goal for you. Resolve to hold it close, consider it daily, and allow it to both challenge and transform you. Before long, if you're like me, you won't be writing about puppies anymore!

Tweet-fest musings.

The world we live in can be better understood if we view through a different lens once in a while. Want a new lens? Pick up a true story and read it. Ask others to tell you their story, and give them your undivided attention. Pause, reflect, and repeat. Listen until nothing surprises you, until you have no more judgments. Until you know that your story isn't all that horrible or amazing.

Then, when you know you're just as good as the next fellow, when you are able to measure yourself against a fair litmus, when the rose-colored glasses are no longer appealing, you've arrived. There's a lot of confidence to be found in honoring, and telling, your own true story. Remember, everyone has a story.

Ask yourself, what are my god-given talents? What are the skills I brought into this world during this life? Then, take those skills and use them creatively for service to others. This is about using yourself as a vessel for good in this world, with a focus on helping others. You will build onto your story. And you'll see that you're on much more equal footing than you thought you were.

If you are struggling, the very best way to heal yourself, to help yourself, to nurture the center of YOU, is to turn outward and do something amazing for someone else. It's not necessarily about spending money on them, but spending the currency of the soul: time, concern, love, empathy, and compassion. Everyone both needs and deserves these things.

Finally, remember that you are not better than anyone else. We all struggle. We all begin as a couple of cells trying to survive. We all have different lessons to learn while we are here. Just because you have a different set of circumstances doesn't make you better. Stay humble.