It's not that I don't want to sleep or that I'm deliberately doing things to stay awake - it's that I simply have a brain that's set on nighttime. That's when I'm most awake and functional. I obviously work at night, every other night at a minimum actually, so I guess on the nights I don't work my brain runs wild with all the things I don't have time to think about when I'm working or spending time with my child. Sometimes I do chores, sometimes I pay bills, sometimes I watch television, sometimes I read, and lately I've become ever so slightly addicted to an iPad game! What I need to be doing is shopping. I've got the tree up, with Hal & Sarah's help. Already had lights up outside. Probably need more. I even put a little decoration on my door. When you have a 7 year old little girl, you just have to be in the Christmas spirit. There's really no getting out of it. Not that I've had a ton of trouble with it this year but I've struggled in the past. (We watched the Disney version of A Christmas Carol this afternoon just as a safeguard!).
It's hard to get excited about spending a lot of money when somebody's out of a job, or there are huge bills looming and needing to be paid. A lot of people are suffering right now. I meet people in the ER who desperately need basic healthcare, food, clothing, and shelter. But not every homeless or desolate soul is there from simple bad luck. Many people actually choose to be homeless, to live a free and unencumbered life, and to take advantage of the resources that are available for the poor. That was hard for me to understand when I first met someone like that. But think about that. You trade a potential big house with big debt and live in the woods with others in a commune of sorts - and you don't have to work. You get free meals from the local churches, and "free" health care from local clinics and ERs. Heck we even give out donated clothing at our ER. I wonder how bad being homeless actually is: until the weather gets wet and cold or you break a foot or really get sick. How much sympathy do people deserve when they've put themselves in that position? But this is a question that can't be answered tonight. Here's what lies in my mind in the wee hours. Got a show about a serial killer on television in the background. All I need now is a stiff drink and some pretzels.