Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Could someone make a Disney Tarot?

I can't sleep so I might as well write.  We have 10 days until we are on our way down to Walt Disney World in Florida.  I cannot wait.  I might actually be more excited than the 7 year old.  We took her down there 4 years ago with her Nene and that was amazingly fun...even though Hal literally lost his job the day we got back.  Thankfully we recovered from that, although it was a crazy ride to do so.  You never know what fate has in store for you just around the corner. What seems so comfortable and smooth today could blow up tomorrow.  Count your blessings I guess.

Because I have had so many unhappy surprises in my life this go around, as most of us have I'm sure, I tend to like to know what's coming.  This is why I trust a psychic as one of my go-to girls in this lifetime, even though I didn't find her until 3 years ago.  And it's also why I'm spending a lot of time learning the Tarot.  Most call it a tool for divination.  I call it a spiritual quest.  I'm searching for the meaning of life...especially my own.  Whether or not the Tarot can accurately predict my future or not, it gives me plenty to think about.  These cards contain just about every human emotion, experience, predicament, and life situation you can think of.  If you haven't considered all of the elements of the human existence yet, pick up a Tarot deck and book and go to it.  I even joined a class called the Summer Tarot Immersion taught right here in Athens.  It's my way of saying to the Universe, I'm going to figure out my life dang it.  I'm going to "make something out of myself."  I might not be rich, or 100% happy, or have 2.5 children and a fenced in backyard suitable for a $500 dog...but I will find out what makes me tick and I will find out what my purpose is and how it's evolving.  I will discover where to put my talents to good use and I'll find my holes and plug them.  Intention is half the battle and I intend to make the most of this life.

Disney is a good start!  :)

Sarah now has one play under her belt, so to speak, but nonetheless I made a dining reservation with the Princesses at Epcot for a breakfast.  When I told her about it and asked her if she was excited to be eating with the Princesses she calmly smirked, "mommy they are just tall girls in a costume!"  My baby is growing up way too fast. Glad we went 4 years ago when everything was overwhelming yet believable.  I still remember her shrieking when Tinker Bell "flew" out of the castle on a zip line.  So sweet, but there will be more sweet memories made this time around too.  I love that child, and I love that God has blessed us with jobs so we can take her places once in a while and make some of her dreams comes true.

Friday, June 8, 2012

I was waiting.

I realize it's been a while.  After the first month of not writing I started thinking I'd need something quite profound to kick start my writing again, but of course I didn't find that.  I was in a superior funk and I'm just now feeling my creative juices rummaging around in there.  I have been writing though, just to clear that up.  In the middle of the funk, about 2 or 3 months in, I realized that writing - with a pen and a piece of paper - has always served me well when I can't think of anything else to bring me up for air.  So I grabbed my red Italian leather embossed journal that I began writing in - wait for it - in 2003 for goodness sakes...and I began to write.  Let it all out.  Writing with honesty, writing in detail about how much my life sucked at those particular moments seemed to each take tiny metric proverbial tons off my chest.  This is not to say life is perfect now, because it isn't.  Will it ever be though?  And is that what keeps some of us down?  Am I missing the goodness that's already in my life by being depressed and feeling forsaken because of what I don't feel and see here?  Call it the American Dream, call it the Soap Opera wish, call it vying for perfection.  What it is seems to be more of a crisis depressive funk trigger.

I'm coming out of it, and one of the things that is helping me is the Spiritual Journey I'm on.  In all of my life I've never felt such a desire to connect with my Higher Power.  Most of you call that God - and again it doesn't matter to me.  The more I look the more I find meaning in everything around me: every life, every death, every wrong turn, every lost love, every raindrop and starry sky.  Misery can sometimes be a good thing.  If it weren't for days, weeks, or months of misery, then we couldn't know happiness to be what it ultimately is.  Relief.  Protection.  Belief.  Faith.  Meaning.  Intention.  Truth.

Stick with me if you want.  I'm trying new things.  I'm gonna be putting myself out there a lot in the next few weeks and months.

I realize this wasn't profound.  But it might be one day.