Saturday, February 14, 2009

Hair Follicle Follies.

Just one hour ago I found myself standing on the "hair" aisle of a local Walmart looking for a magic tonic to make my hair grow. That first sentence is a double whammy. First, I hardly ever go into Walmart - but in Westminster after 10:00 PM, there's not a whole lot open. Second, why in the world would I be looking for some sort of magic paste to make my hair grow faster?
The bad haircut oddessy began back in October. I was tired of the same old hum-drum frumpy hair style. It was long and thick and wavy and frizzy. Ick. But I need to be able to do my hair in about 5 minutes - any more time than that and I'll start to lose my patience. I've never been a great hair stylist - or make-up artist. I'm kind of plain jane when it comes to decorating myself. Another Granny influence, which I'm totally fine with. I am who I am. BUT, I do have some sort of concern about myself. I need for my hair to at least be presentable!
I decide that the easiest and cheapest thing to do is to visit my local Great Clips. I point to the picture on the wall of a young man actually, and tell my stylist that I'd like a hair cut just like his. She's perplexed as to why I'd want to cut my long, thick locks off. Especially if I want them to look like a guy's hair. So she says no. Basically. She procedes to suggest something else which makes me screw up my face in contemplation and then I guess I agree with her because I think that she's schooled in this hair cutting and scupting thing so I should trust her.
Boy was I ever wrong. I got a terrible haircut. NOT like the one in the picture that I genuinely liked. And a mere 3 weeks later, I finally figure out what has gone so wrong with the haircut. It's uneven! By about 3 inches on on the right side!
So I go back. And I tell them I'm unhappy with the cut and again point to the one in the picture. My new stylist thanks me profusely for coming back, cuts my hair all over again, and doesn't charge me. I think things have turned out well. Until my hair dries and I'm at home looking at it in the mirror. Now it's shorter all over, even on both sides, but I have these huge wing like flaps over my ears that hang down and look absolutely silly. Even my boss in the ER tells me that she's not crazy about the sides. It's obviously a very bad haircut once again. And shorter.
Fast forward to the move to Maryland. About a month later I decide to once again address the bad hair. I go to the local mall up here and again get a shorter haircut. She trims the big wings over my ears, but still leaves them there. In December I go back to Georgia, but to Warner Robins. I finally find a stylist who will cut the hair flaps off my ears, but she still leaves this bit of hair in front of my ears. And again, she shortens the top and back and sides. Every stylist wants to readjust the layers put in by the last stylist. They want to make my hair cut their own work of art and leave no trace of what the last girl left behind. So it gets shorter.
I wait two months. What I have is tolerable, but I still want the hair around my ears cut off - because it's not long enough to tuck behind my ear which is what I've done ever since my hair grew out. I think I'll have her cut around my ears, take up the back an inch to avoid the mullet look, and that'll be enough.
This is NOT what happened. I did finally get the hair trimmed off around my ears but I had to reiterate no less than 3 times that I definitely wanted that hair cut off before she'd do it. No flap or remnant of a flap remains. I did get the back shortened an inch. But AGAIN, the stylist felt the need to shorten it up on top lest it look too "heavy" and now I look like I'm about to go into the military.
So, this brings me to the hair growth products in the Walmart.
I decide not to buy anything because it's expensive BUT I did come home and take a hot shower and scrub my head with shampoo. I figure if I loosen up the hair follicles with hot water and rub the hell out of them, it might encourage the hair inside to grow out. And now I'm going to do a google search on how to make my hair grow faster. Oh, and something else. I'm going to figure out how to cut my own hair!

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