I never watch television. I mean never...until recently. You see, my new roommate Jennifer introduced me to a show called Criminal Minds. Holy Cow! Last night, I watched 4 straight episodes of this show - now you must understand that my husband was conked out asleep on the couch (sitting up, quite impressive), Jennifer was at work, and I was holding Sarah and carefully monitoring her out-of-control fever outta nowhere that cropped up in the wee hours of the morning Friday. But passing the time watching really smart sexy people use their cunning brain skills to catch the bad guy made for a whopping good time!
It isn't that I have anything against television, it's just that I don't like fiction. I don't like sit-coms or reality shows or cartoons or infomercials. I don't like re-runs of old-ass shows that weren't good the first time around either. I used to like Days of Our Lives but then the plot got so slow I could keep up by watching a half dozen episodes a year so I just quit altogether. I don't like to watch sports, save Georgia football, and I don't like MTV or VH1. I certainly don't like wrestling or obscure documentaries about tools used thousands of years ago by early ape-like humans.
However, I do PAY for television. Odd as it may seem, my husband is a television addict (certified) and I've enabled his nasty habit for years now by shelling out the cash to subscribe. It's too bad he hasn't taken the initiative to go on some t.v. trivia gameshow to win some money. Anyway, in the last couple of weeks since I've starting watching this totally amazing show, I know he dreads seeing me come into the room with that "lemme have that remote mister" look on my face. Too bad. I'd say fifteen years of getting to watch whatever he wanted is enough. It's time I finally felt like I was getting my money's worth on my cable bill!
If you haven't had the time or energy to catch this show, do yourself the favor. It's pretty darn cool. Also in it's 6th season, so I am embarrassed to have not caught on to this until now, however excited that I can now spend hours upon hours catching up on all the action! I even checked out the online store for cool stuff but only found the DVDs and a t-shirt that I wouldn't wear. I'm not buying the DVDs because while it would make sense to watch them in order to follow the storyline a bit better, I finally can justify spending mucho dollars on my cable service. C'mon now. Let's all breathe a big sigh of relief. I know I feel better.
http://www.cbs.com/primetime/criminal_minds/
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Halloween 2010
The first thing Sarah asked me on Halloween morning this year was if she could have pink hair. My cousin gave us a hand-me-down rock star costume that is pink, I purchased a little pink skull bucket for her to collect her treats in so I guess she figured her hair ought to be pink too. All day long she begged me to carve the pumpkin. Granted, I should have already had that done - but alas, I am a slacker. So just before noon I gave in and we carved the pumpkin, which she immediately made me start calling the "jack-o-lantern." Later I forced her to take a nap, which she whined about. When she awoke we made her take a bath, which she also whined about. Then Jennifer glittered and glammed her hair and face to make her a pretty rock star, and she whined some then too. Then she whined about the sun not going down fast enough so she could go trick or treating. When it finally was time, after nearly 12 hours of pure parental torture, we headed out the door and walked straight to the neighbors house. Not only did Sarah refuse to ring the doorbell and say 'trick or treat,' I had to PUSH her to walk up the sidewalk to their door! This continued for the next ten houses until she finally asked to go home. She might have mustered an audible 'trick or treat' once or twice, and maybe a 'thank you' too amongst our threats of never ever taking her trick or treating again if she didn't.
When we arrived home, we grabbed our bucket of candy, turned on the porch light and lit the jack-o-lantern. This is when the child came alive. She had a blast giving out candy to all the trick-or-treaters that darted our door. We still had to remind her to say "you're welcome" but at least she seemed like she was enjoying something after such a long day of begging and whining. Tis better to give than to receive I suppose. At least she gets it honest.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Cancer sucks.
Alas! I am a terrible blogger lately. Believe me, it isn't for lack of things to say - it is mostly for lack of time to write, because of me putting other things and people first, and for general happiness all around.
The move back to our house generated quite a few other changes as well. We have a new roommate - Jennifer - who came with her two feline children Omar and Poncho. All in all, it's been a pretty smooth adjustment that has meant more love and friendship in my life.
In a few days it will be October - the leaves will start falling and everyone will start wearing pink again. October is Breast Cancer Awareness month and it always makes me sad. Usually at some point I come to tears. You see, I lost someone very special nearly 6 years ago now - my sweet Aunt Sharon.
She was first diagnosed at age 31 I believe, in 1989, and went through lots of chemo, radiation, and a full mastectomy. Awful for her for sure, and awful for my 14 year old brain too. Fifteen years after her first diagnosis, her cancer comes back as osteosarcoma (probably a result of all that radiation) and turns deadly. We tried to save her - including two trips to Houston's MD Anderson hospital, but she couldn't withstand the chemo regimen they needed her to go through and she stopped after only 2 or 3 treatments.
When she died my grief was immeasurable. I plowed my face into my pillow and screamed - beating the bed with clinched fists in my heart's utter torment. It was just awful - she was only 48 years old. She had grandchildren she wanted to play with, and she had children who still needed her even though they were grown. I still needed her; we all did.
I finally got up the nerve to go back to her house this past Sunday - to visit my cousin there where she now lives, to be in that space again where I always remember my Aunt Sharon living. Her touches are still there, very viable - still very present. But I did not feel her spirit there anymore and I can only hope that means that she is at peace with her passing, that she is carefully watching over us from beyond what we can know about yet.
Several days before I dreamed of her - she and I and my cousins sitting in that very living room. Perhaps she is the one who visited me in my dream and suggested that I go ahead and go. She must know that I have grieved a million times for her, have cried oh so many tears because of the injustice of it all, have wanted to ask her a thousand questions, and have wanted to show her my child.
So I went, and I didn't even cry. I took Jennifer with me - and she was up to the task of being just the ears I needed to hear my thoughts that day. And I hope, through all of the space and time, that there was another soul out there hearing about how much I still love and miss her. This one's for you Aunt Sharon!
The move back to our house generated quite a few other changes as well. We have a new roommate - Jennifer - who came with her two feline children Omar and Poncho. All in all, it's been a pretty smooth adjustment that has meant more love and friendship in my life.
In a few days it will be October - the leaves will start falling and everyone will start wearing pink again. October is Breast Cancer Awareness month and it always makes me sad. Usually at some point I come to tears. You see, I lost someone very special nearly 6 years ago now - my sweet Aunt Sharon.
She was first diagnosed at age 31 I believe, in 1989, and went through lots of chemo, radiation, and a full mastectomy. Awful for her for sure, and awful for my 14 year old brain too. Fifteen years after her first diagnosis, her cancer comes back as osteosarcoma (probably a result of all that radiation) and turns deadly. We tried to save her - including two trips to Houston's MD Anderson hospital, but she couldn't withstand the chemo regimen they needed her to go through and she stopped after only 2 or 3 treatments.
When she died my grief was immeasurable. I plowed my face into my pillow and screamed - beating the bed with clinched fists in my heart's utter torment. It was just awful - she was only 48 years old. She had grandchildren she wanted to play with, and she had children who still needed her even though they were grown. I still needed her; we all did.
I finally got up the nerve to go back to her house this past Sunday - to visit my cousin there where she now lives, to be in that space again where I always remember my Aunt Sharon living. Her touches are still there, very viable - still very present. But I did not feel her spirit there anymore and I can only hope that means that she is at peace with her passing, that she is carefully watching over us from beyond what we can know about yet.
Several days before I dreamed of her - she and I and my cousins sitting in that very living room. Perhaps she is the one who visited me in my dream and suggested that I go ahead and go. She must know that I have grieved a million times for her, have cried oh so many tears because of the injustice of it all, have wanted to ask her a thousand questions, and have wanted to show her my child.
So I went, and I didn't even cry. I took Jennifer with me - and she was up to the task of being just the ears I needed to hear my thoughts that day. And I hope, through all of the space and time, that there was another soul out there hearing about how much I still love and miss her. This one's for you Aunt Sharon!
Monday, August 30, 2010
Reflection.
My commute is now about 7 minutes. It used to be a minimum of 25. You guessed it, I'm back in my house in Athens. Thank God. Today I visited the little country house nearly one month after we left and the only thing I found that I missed was the feeling that my grandmother's spirit might be out there amongst the trees. She loved that little spot - it was the best thing she ever had. I wonder if this spot here in Athens is my little place, my nest, my refuge from life's storm. Could be. All I know is that the instant we got things cleaned up and began to put our things back in the house, hang our pictures back on the walls, cut the grass, and cook a meal - I felt better all over. A quiet sense of peace.
I really don't miss the country. Maybe I miss the proximity to my father's place and his gigantic oak trees that must be 200 years old. Or the sounds of the creek below my grandmother's house. The baby geese that we got to watch grow over the course of the Spring. Maybe I miss that feeling of really being in the place where I grew up. But here it is my life I'm living, starting fresh and new, but not forgetting all that I could have lost in those spaces in between - the place I always belonged. I'm really thankful for that time I had to spend out there in that tiny little hot/cold house. I'm thankful for all of the memories I regained while in that space: the way my Granny looked standing at the stove with her apron on and her spatula in hand (I can smell the bacon frying), the ancient echos of my childhood laughter when my Uncle Keith and I used to squirt each other with the water hose, Granny reciting the poem about leaves falling in the wind, and all of the times our family gathered there to eat and laugh and love.
No life is perfect. No life is without pain and sacrifice. But I've also found that no life is without tender moments of real peace and love and laughter and minutes you'd like to bottle up and save for later so you'd never forget what it felt like when they happened. What I would give now to lay my head in Granny's soft lap and feel her long slender fingers course through my hair. What I would give to be a child again swinging mightily on the tire swing my father hung from the limb of that giant oak tree. What I'd give to hold my baby brother in my arms again. And wouldn't we all love to know then what we know now?
I really don't miss the country. Maybe I miss the proximity to my father's place and his gigantic oak trees that must be 200 years old. Or the sounds of the creek below my grandmother's house. The baby geese that we got to watch grow over the course of the Spring. Maybe I miss that feeling of really being in the place where I grew up. But here it is my life I'm living, starting fresh and new, but not forgetting all that I could have lost in those spaces in between - the place I always belonged. I'm really thankful for that time I had to spend out there in that tiny little hot/cold house. I'm thankful for all of the memories I regained while in that space: the way my Granny looked standing at the stove with her apron on and her spatula in hand (I can smell the bacon frying), the ancient echos of my childhood laughter when my Uncle Keith and I used to squirt each other with the water hose, Granny reciting the poem about leaves falling in the wind, and all of the times our family gathered there to eat and laugh and love.
No life is perfect. No life is without pain and sacrifice. But I've also found that no life is without tender moments of real peace and love and laughter and minutes you'd like to bottle up and save for later so you'd never forget what it felt like when they happened. What I would give now to lay my head in Granny's soft lap and feel her long slender fingers course through my hair. What I would give to be a child again swinging mightily on the tire swing my father hung from the limb of that giant oak tree. What I'd give to hold my baby brother in my arms again. And wouldn't we all love to know then what we know now?
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Leaving
Things are not always what they seem.
Your face in the shadows, once in the moonlight, now gone.
Sometimes I still see you there when you want to be.
What is this mess we've made?
It is like a pink rubber ball bouncing rapidly down a steep, dark slope.
Fresh at once then losing speed until it rolls no more.
You have been my heaven and my in-between.
But as you fade away I know this will not be
everything I thought it could.
Still I reach for you in the night.
Someday I hope you may return to me
and be a warm welcome against my cold skin.
My soul awaits yours and I will try to live fully.
Surely it cannot be much longer
until we finally get it right.
Your face in the shadows, once in the moonlight, now gone.
Sometimes I still see you there when you want to be.
What is this mess we've made?
It is like a pink rubber ball bouncing rapidly down a steep, dark slope.
Fresh at once then losing speed until it rolls no more.
You have been my heaven and my in-between.
But as you fade away I know this will not be
everything I thought it could.
Still I reach for you in the night.
Someday I hope you may return to me
and be a warm welcome against my cold skin.
My soul awaits yours and I will try to live fully.
Surely it cannot be much longer
until we finally get it right.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
It is you my love.
I knew you a hundred years ago
I saw you walking on those cold
grey cobblestones which fit so perfectly together.
You walked there in the crevice of my mind
and in the years since my longing for you deepened
into something I shall know as love.
When I saw you again I did not know you.
It was my soul that whispered, he's here.
After all this time, I know it is you.
Easy to smooth the painful cries of long ago,
tears that fell on cold window panes
and handkerchiefs not embroidered with loose change.
Easy it is now to look into your eyes
beautiful, brown, knowing who I am from the start.
I am limp when you reach for me underneath the stars.
It is okay my love. No need to wait any longer.
This time we will not be denied what we could not have then.
Let us live a thousand more years warmed in the light of the sun.
I saw you walking on those cold
grey cobblestones which fit so perfectly together.
You walked there in the crevice of my mind
and in the years since my longing for you deepened
into something I shall know as love.
When I saw you again I did not know you.
It was my soul that whispered, he's here.
After all this time, I know it is you.
Easy to smooth the painful cries of long ago,
tears that fell on cold window panes
and handkerchiefs not embroidered with loose change.
Easy it is now to look into your eyes
beautiful, brown, knowing who I am from the start.
I am limp when you reach for me underneath the stars.
It is okay my love. No need to wait any longer.
This time we will not be denied what we could not have then.
Let us live a thousand more years warmed in the light of the sun.
Monday, August 9, 2010
I Will Come To You
When you have no light to guide you
And no one to walk to walk beside you
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
Sometimes when all your dreams may have seen better days
And you don't know how or why, but you've lost your way
Have no fear when your tears are fallin'
I will hear your spirit callin'
And I swear I'll be there come what may
When you have no light to guide you
And no one to walk beside you
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
I will come to you
'Cause even if we can't be together
We'll be friends now and forever
And I swear that I'll be there come what may
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
We all need somebody we can turn to
Someone who'll always understand
So if you feel that your soul is dyin'
And you need the strength to keep tryin'
I'll reach out and take your hand
I'll reach out and take your hand
Oh I will come to you
When you have no light to guide you
And no one to walk to walk beside you
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
I will come to you,
Oh I will come to you
And no one to walk to walk beside you
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
Sometimes when all your dreams may have seen better days
And you don't know how or why, but you've lost your way
Have no fear when your tears are fallin'
I will hear your spirit callin'
And I swear I'll be there come what may
When you have no light to guide you
And no one to walk beside you
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
I will come to you
'Cause even if we can't be together
We'll be friends now and forever
And I swear that I'll be there come what may
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
We all need somebody we can turn to
Someone who'll always understand
So if you feel that your soul is dyin'
And you need the strength to keep tryin'
I'll reach out and take your hand
I'll reach out and take your hand
Oh I will come to you
When you have no light to guide you
And no one to walk to walk beside you
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
When the night is dark and stormy
You won't have to reach out for me
I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
Oh I will come to you
I will come to you,
Oh I will come to you
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